I would like to thank my human for translating and typing this up for me. She is called Ellie and has informed me she has a blog at Curiosity Killed the Bookworm. I am a four year old Labrador and I have been readathonning all my life… Here is a transcript of my version of events.
12:00 There appear to be cheesy nuggets of delight on the table. Hang on, my human wants me to sit next to some books, maybe there’s a cheesy snack in it for me?
12:01 This is soooooo boring, where’s my treat? She’s pointing that rectangle thing at me, time to look adorable.
12:05 What?! No cheesy snack? I demand justice!
13:00 After finishing the midday eating, my human settles down with a book. It’s time for my early afternoon snooze, if I’m lucky I can snuggle into some of that blankie…
13:02 There is a pointy book corner jabbing my eyebrow. I hate books, they take away attention from me, serve no purpose that I can make out, and they don’t even taste good. Trust me, I tried one once. It didn’t go down too well with the humans.
13:05 Commence loud snoring.
14:00 She’s turning the pages too loudly, I’m off. I’ll be back for the snacks.
16:29 I’m starting to feel peckish.
16:30 Helloooo? Can you see me? What about now? Your book is in the way, I need to tell you IT IS TIME. I AM HUNGRY. FEED ME!
16:31 Apparently it is not time, I cannot believe it. I am starving. To. Death.
17:20 OMG she’s put the book down! Feed me! No, no, don’t pick up that thing.
17:29 After approximately ninety hundred hours of laser beam staring, she is getting up…and yes, YES going into the kitchen.
17:30 The beautifully delicious kibbles are being poured into my bowl, the drool is pooling in my mouth…
17:31 Well that was nice, time to play. What the?! She’s back on the sofa with a book again. This is uncalled for.
18:00 The other human played with me for a bit, time for another snooze.
19:00 Owowowowowooooohooooowaaaaa! There’s someone at the door, how exciting! They must be here to see me!
19:02 The visitor ran off without saying hello but they left behind food. It smells so good. If I sit down I will get some.
19:20 The humans ate all the food and now she is back to reading a book again. SIGH.
21:00 That was a good dream. I was running and it was raining snacks.
21:01 She is still reading. It looks like a different book thing, this one is less pointy. I shall lie my head on it.
21:30 Is that a snack packet being opened I hear?
21:31 I sit, I dribble, I eat cheesy snacks. So crunchy. So good.
21:32 More please!
21:33 What if I wave my paw about?
21:34 All gone sad face
22:00 Time for bed.
23:15 Something is not right, she’s still downstairs. And she’s not even drinking that rotten fruit juice.
23:20 I’ll just stare from the top of the stairs.
23:22 I do not know what she means, I am not creepy AT ALL. I am adorable.
01:30 OW! WHAT? Oh it’s you, mind where you’re treading.
02:00 Oh good both humans are asleep, time to check the perimeter.
02:10 No cheesy snacks to be found.
07:00 I think she moved! Here have a toy. I’m hungry.
07:01 I need a wee. But also HUNGRY.
07:05 EYE CONTACT! Result.
07:30 Twenty hours later I get my much deserved breakfast.
07:31 BUTTER ALERT
07:33 She’s eating crumpets. They are even better than cheesy snacks. They come with butter. If I sit down I get to lick the plate.
07:35 NOT BOOKS AGAIN? Did she not read enough yesterday?
07:36 Maybe she’s ill? I will snuggle, it is well known that snuggling has magic healing powers. Also she smells of butter, which is nice.
10:00 Hey, any chance of a walk? You need a break from the reading, you’ll go blind. Then you won’t be able to walk me.
10:01 She just told me later. Later is like days away.
12:30 I’m bored and hungry and my legs will fall off if I don’t get my walk soon.
13:00 HURRAH! She has put the book down. What, no don’t start taking photos again. I hope you don’t expect me to help this time.